You Can't Make Me Eat That . . .

Y'all, I have to confess. The past few nights I have eagerly run home to check e-mail, waiting for Patrick to announce . . . an INDULGENCE! I just want to make cookies. I don't need to eat them. Okay, maybe I can have a bite. But mostly it's about old podcasts of This American Life; the crackle of homemade toffee juxtaposed with soft, sweet batter and just a hint of dark chocolate; and the rest of the day simply melting away. And so, last night, when all hope seemed lost, the e-mail came. Day 25. KNOCK YOURSELVES OUT, LADIES!*

Suddenly, I didn't want it anymore. Maybe it's the guilt from the dried fruit habit I picked up in the last couple of days. The habit that's probably going to THROW OFF ALL MY CARB COUNTS. (R.I.P. dried papaya spears. I can't keep them in the house anymore.) Maybe I've already had my indulgence?

The timing couldn't be better. Pacato's mother is in town, and we will eat out at least once. But  though I am trying to avoid them at all cost, restaurants aren't as intimidating as they used to be. (What else did I eat today? Did I exercise enough to eat these fried pickles?) A restaurant doesn't HAVE to be an indulgence. I can't control the amount of oil or salt the chef uses, but to some extent, I can control my portions (cue internal food scale), what I eat, and how it's cooked.

Which brings me to today's altercation. My boss's birthday lunch. At what has to be the absolute most delicious hole-in-the-wall Israeli place in town . . . that is also not known for its friendly service. I ordered grilled fillet of sole with rice and salad. When it finally arrived after half an hour, it was fried. And not just that, the rice and salad were covered in beans and sauces. An entire meal that, while no doubt delicious, GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING I STAND FOR RIGHT NOW. When I pointed out that I had ordered grilled fish, the guy insisted I said fried. A few years ago, timid Emily would have eaten it anyway, but I've lived in New York almost six years now—I sent it back. And then I went to the salad bar at the grocery store and ordered this:

*Up to 400 calories